dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
