This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
When did angry sex become our thing?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize