friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
