I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
