Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
