New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
