my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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