I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
