What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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