Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize