it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
