so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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