He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My friends, they love my intelligence
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
