HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
