This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
