Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
