Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
