she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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