That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
