He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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