you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
