Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
