Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
They are going to name an STD after you.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
