Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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