Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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