omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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