Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
