worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
