Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
