It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You need Xanax blowdarts
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
