he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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