just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
