It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
