I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
