When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
