I think I am morally bankrupt
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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