how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
