I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
