Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
they need to just BURY HIM!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
