girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize