haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
