I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
