mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
