My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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