i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
