I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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