I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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