My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
