Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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