Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
sex in a hospital.. check
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
