i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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