I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
