the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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