Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
