hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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