The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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