Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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