I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
