I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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