I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm too high and old for this...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
