Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Redeem this text for a blowjob
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
