You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
