He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
