I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
