you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
