I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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