Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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