Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
