you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
