i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize