Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
