I think i sorta joined a cult last night
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
