I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
