May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
