Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
