I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
