Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
