I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
