I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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