____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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