WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I want to fling myself into the sun
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
