I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
