either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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