my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
