I have demons in me.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize