I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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