im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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