I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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