apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
there is glitter all over my balls
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I love you.
Bad choice
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
