this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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