and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
