Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
