oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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