so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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