I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
