he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
