All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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