I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
