I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
