Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
