nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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